This talk was given by Dennis and Ines Ancheta, whose sons, Alfonso (H2F) and Alejandro (H1C), joined the XCE.

When the opportunity came for our eldest son to attend the third “edition” of the XCE program, my wife and I hurriedly applied. Why, you may ask? It is probably best captured by three basic reasons: Immersion, Independence and Character Formation.

First, Immersion. Coming from a non-Chinese-speaking family, even if my wife looks like one, we felt this was a great chance for my son to learn a culture and language he is constantly exposed to. Living in an environment exposed 24/7 in everything Chinese, with the single exception of a National Geographic video channel in English, for 6 whole weeks, we were confident that this was the way to go.

Second, Independence. Away from all the creature comforts that he was used to – household help at his beck and call, parents who would adjust schedules for him, friends to talk to whenever he was bored….these and a lot lot more….the XCE was really meant to take them away - no, yank them away, from their comfort zone.

Third, and probably the most important, is Character Formation. With no one to turn to, they turn to themselves. They learn NOT only of a culture and language, BUT they also learn what they are capable of, what they are made of, an introspective view of their persona. Travel, much more traveling alone, always has this profound effect on a person

Even with all the “noble” reasons stated above, apprehensions will always be present. Allow us to summarize into two parts. The child and the parent.

Amidst all the excitement, our son still had his fair share of worries. The mere fact that they had to fold their own underwear, more so, doing their own laundry had him thinking. The absence of techno gadgets, an integral part of their lifestyle, was another. Going back to basics was something they had to learn all over again. Another factor was relating with new people. Not only on a daily basis but dealing with all the nuances that living with other people present – all the eccentricities, the snoring, the kalat, everything!

As a parent, we had to teach him all the “survival skills” - doing the laundry, washing his undergarments and socks while showering to save on time, medicines were listed on a laminated sheet of paper with proper dosage and frequencies indicated. Also, vitamins were individually packed and labelled to ensure that he does not miss on any. A sure-fire way of lessening the homesickness is by sending them Pinoy Comfort food such as chocnut, flat tops and the like.

But probably, the greatest apprehension we had was communication, or the lack of – of not being able to call and talk to our child when we wanted to – just to make sure everything was alright. This is where our son differed from others. As his own way of coping with loneliness, he intentionally DID NOT want to call. In fact, before he left, we did not give specific instructions on the time and day he should call. He only called to greet his dad on his birthday and a week before coming back home just to ask if we needed anything from China. This did not really bother us because we always believed that “ no news is good news!” We just kept ourselves updated through the XCE website and the times we would catch him on Yahoo Messenger. So parents, if you don’t have a YM account yet, get one!

After six weeks of being alone and in China, a lot of changes have occurred. Allow us to enumerate some of them.

Building friendships
Since groupings were assigned, the boys had to learn to deal with different personalities. Some of their groupmates were “total strangers” to them, since they were never classmates in the past. Of course there may be some boys they will not get along with, but, our sons had to adjust to them and vice versa. They did not only interact with their group, they also made friends with the other XCE participants. This friendship is in fact evident in their relationships to date.

Team Work
Most of the projects given to the boys in XCE were done as a group. Because of this, the boys had to have great team work to be able to accomplish their work well. Their group work did not end in China. When they came back, they had to meet up again for their presentation in Manila and in other school activities.

Leadership
Away from everyone, our sons had nobody else to rely on but themselves. This prompted them to discover their own leadership abilities. Six weeks and several hundred miles away, when it was time to get things done, this proved to be an invaluable realization.

Responsibility
The boys are given a specific amount of allowance per week; thus, they had to learn the art of budgeting their money. When it came down to our two sons, they were worlds apart. Take the case of our eldest. He came home with half of his allowance while our second came back with practically nothing. To save on money, our eldest son would handwash his clothes so that he did not have to spend on laundry cycles. In addition, after everybody had eaten their breakfast, our son would make “baon” from the leftover breakfast like bread and apples for his merienda later on during the day.

There was even an incident when our son had to learn the expensive way. He wanted to heat some milk and he decided to use the electric pot for heating water. Since the pot was for water only, heating milk destroyed the coils inside. He admitted he destroyed it and bought a new one for replacement out of his own allowance!

Creativity
Because the boys did not have gadgets with them, spare-time activities tickled their creativity. The only thing they could bring was a camera or a video camera. During their spare time, they would make home movies. The boys learned to play “murder wink” without playing cards, using instead their ID’s as cards! To fight boredom, they would often resort to games, card games. Aside from the “creative” cards, they thought of using their loot – chips, candies, crackers, chocolates, as bets! They would even go as far as “betting “ their laundry money to save on costs!

Study Habits
The XCE program is done in total Chinese from sunrise to sundown. From language, to culture, to traditional medicine, even martial arts! But the learning does not stop there. When all is done, they still had to go through their Xavier School subjects, an activity that would stretch all the way till 9 or 10 in the evening. This in turn taught them the skill of time management, a much needed virtue once they step into High School.

Appreciation
We were very happy that our kids did learn to speak Mandarin. When our eldest came home, he would translate sentences we would say. There are also instances when our kids do not want us to understand them so they speak Mandarin to each other instead. Even during football games, they would call out instructions in Chinese so that their opponents won’t anticipate their actions.

Probably the best testament to the XCE Program may be summed up by what our first son said immediately after finding out that his brother initially did not make it…..”Mom and dad, appeal it!” This program also allowed our second son to shine minus the shadow of his older brother.